Daughter in college...gone astray from the Lord...

A web reader wrote:

Besides praying, how can parents who are currently raising their two youngest children to live Christian lives, minister to their oldest child who is living out of state and attending college? The choices that this child is making are totally non Christian and I can't even get her to commit to finding a new church family and/or interact with other Christian students. All she's interested in is partying and boys and I am so afraid that she will be hurt terribly and/or be so consumed in the world that she won't find her way back to Christ.

Dear Reader:
I am sorry to hear of your daughter's choices to stray from the faith. I can tell this is a really painful situation for you. Let's first get on the table some of the things you cannot do for your daughter.

1) You can't make her decision for Christ. She's going to have to make the decision to follow Christ on her own. This is actually a good thing because she will "own" her faith at that point and it won't be the choice of her Mom and Dad.

2) You can't watch over your daughter's activities. As a parent you want the best for your child and that includes protecting them from harmful people and circumstances. "In the natural", you can't oversee every activity that your daughter will participate in or people she will hang out around. She's on her own and although you can influence her choices, you can in no way monitor all of them - that's God's job.

3) You can't stop being a good Mom to your other two young kids. Your other two kids need you the most right now. If they are old enough to understand your eldest daughter's decisions, you will be responsible for sharing with them why you believe these are wrong choices and leading them to the truth of God's Word. You are responsible for protecting them from any harmful influences as well as nurturing them in their spirits.

4) You can't take back the past. The Apostle Paul wrote, "forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." (Phil 3:13,14) Do not condemn yourself for any mistakes you've made in parenting your eldest child. Ask God for His forgiveness, forgive yourself and where appropriate ask your daughter to forgive you, then do your best to move on in faith.

Before we go forward with what you can do, let's pause for a moment of prayer. "Lord we lift up this mother to you now. Comfort her in her time of distress. Let her know that you are always there with her at any time of the day, even in her darkest hour. Help her to surrender to You those things that are out of her control and give her the strength and wisdom to raise her two younger kids up in Your ways. In Jesus' name we pray, Amen."

Now for what you can do :

1) Pray! : I know that prayer sometimes seems like it's just not enough, but let me encourage you to know that there is no greater power available to us to change our circumstances than the power that comes through prayer. Although you can't make your daughter's decision to accept or follow Christ, you can pray for God to work in drawing her to Himself. And though you cannot watch over your daughter's activities, you can pray for her protection and well being. Never underestimate the power of a praying mother!

2) Wait expectantly: James wrote, "Count it all joy when you fall in to various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing" (James 1:3, 4) God wants to use this trying time in your life to help you develop even greater character, namely patience. Wait with expectation that you will one day see your daughter come around and follow after the Lord. That takes faith!

3) Ask for wisdom: James continued by saying, "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him." (James 1:5) God wants to give you wisdom for this situation and all you need to do is ask. Ask and keep asking. God can give ideas on how to relate to your daughter and to pray for her.

4) Find support: There have to be other Christian mothers out there going through the same situation. If you know any, call them up. Set up a time for you to get together and pray for your children and to encourage one another. If you don't know of any, ask God to provide one for you. God never wants us to walk this journey alone. Also, if your husband is a Christian man, ask him to pray with you. Allow this trial to pull you closer together, not further apart. God can bless your marriage and faith if you come together in the name of our Lord Jesus and pray and trust His Word and promises.

5) Don't lose heart: "And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart." (Galatians 6:9) I am certain that if you persist in prayer for your daughter and continue to be a good example of what it means to walk with Christ, it is only a matter of time before she comes back to the truth. Don't give up! As long as you can hold onto Jesus through this trial, trusting Him regardless of the choices your daughter makes, you will have the victory. Don't doubt it, don't fear the worst. Trust God completely. He is working on your behalf so don't give up!!

"Lord, we pray again for this dear mother. Give her the courage to carry on. We pray for her daughter as well. Speak to her heart and call her back to You. Give this mother a wonderful support system to help her stay encouraged. Bless her marriage and her two younger children. We trust that one day, she will see her entire household praising You. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen."