A Web Reader asked, "What does the Bible say about gossip?"
Response:
The Bible says a lot about gossip, but depending on the version of the Bible you are reading, you may not find the actual word "gossip" being used. Instead, you will find several other synonyms that connote the same meaning. The words "talebearer" or "whisperer" are the two most common names that describe someone who gossips.
Webster's dictionary defines a gossip as someone who "habitually reveals personal or sensational facts about others" and also "rumor or report of an intimate nature". When we typically think of gossip, it's usually in the form of slander, a malicious form of speech that is meant to harm the reputation of another. Jesus actually spoke of slander in the Beatitudes when he said, "Blessed are you, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake" (Matthew 5:11).
Most of us would agree that gossip is wrong by nature, but the Bible brings greater understanding to the nature of gossip and why it is so harmful and evil in the eyes of God. Consider these few verses from Proverbs:
Proverbs 11:13 A talebearer reveals secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit conceals the matter.
A person who gossips is untrustworthy. If they are willing to speak about others to you, don't be so foolish to think they won't do the same behind your back. A gossip doesn't know how to keep a secret, but a person who is faithful will keep a matter between you and them. We all need faithful friends.
Proverbs 16:28 A perverse man sows strife: and a whisperer separates best friends.
A person who gossips can cause great strife and conflict in relationships. By speaking maliciously about others, a gossip can ruin our impression of a person we know and care about. When someone begins a sentence by saying, "Did you know that so-and-so...?" or "I heard that so-and so...", you can safely assume that gossip is to follow. It's best to politely shift the conversation or remove yourself immediately.
Proverbs 18:8 The words of a talebearer are like tasty morsels, and they go down into the innermost parts of the body.
Gossip is like a tasty treat to the ears of the gossiper. Have you ever nibbled at a piece of cake until the whole thing was completely gone? In the same way, a gossiper is never satisfied with just a little rumor, their spirit continues to hunger for just another word of accusation or juicy story to tell.
Proverbs 20:19 He that goes about as a talebearer reveals secrets: therefore associate not with him who flatters with his lips.
A gossip is prone to flattery. Webster's dictionary defines flattery as "insincere or excessive praise". There is nothing wrong with a heartfelt compliment. In fact, we can all use some encouragement. But a person who is prone to gossip will also use their speech to puff up another person with vain words. The Bible is very clear to say that we should avoid associating with such people. Don't be fooled, if you hang around a person who gossips long enough, you will become like them. (read 1 Corinthians 15:33)
Proverbs 26:20 Where no wood is, there the fire goes out: so where there is no talebearer, the strife ceases.
Don't feed the fire! If you find yourself tempted to gossip or in a conversation with someone who starts to gossip, stop immediately. The best way to stop gossip is to starve it. Change topics, keep quiet or politely excuse yourself when gossip begins and you will keep yourself pure as well as help another person, at least for the moment, avoid the opportunity to sin. Gossip dies once one person in no longer willing to listen.
The Bible not only encourages us to avoid people who gossip, it also warns us to keep from gossiping ourselves.
"Keep your tongue from evil, and your lips from speaking deceit." (Psalm 34:13)
"Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice."(Ephesians 4:31)
"Speak not evil one of another, brethren. He that speaks evil of his brother, and judges his brother, speaks evil of the law, and judges the law: but if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law, but a judge." (James 4:11)
Talking to another person about a problem is not gossip. When we have a serious conflict with another person, Jesus taught that we should speak directly with the person who has offended us before we bring it to the attention of others. (Matthew 18:15-17) Direct, honest, and loving communication requires maturity, perhaps the reason that it's so much easier to just talk about someone else behind their back.
But gossip comes at a great cost to our relationships and is a deadly vice the enemy uses to divide and hurt people even within the church of Jesus Christ. When we hide gossip behind the guise of a "prayer request" we destroy trust within our fellowship and cause great damage to the body. Our speech must be motivated by our love for others knowing that "Love does no harm to a neighbor". (Romans 13:10)
When all is said and done, it may come down to remembering the simple adage, "If you don't have anything nice to say..."
Monday, May 26, 2008
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Daughter in college...gone astray from the Lord...
A web reader wrote:
Besides praying, how can parents who are currently raising their two youngest children to live Christian lives, minister to their oldest child who is living out of state and attending college? The choices that this child is making are totally non Christian and I can't even get her to commit to finding a new church family and/or interact with other Christian students. All she's interested in is partying and boys and I am so afraid that she will be hurt terribly and/or be so consumed in the world that she won't find her way back to Christ.
Dear Reader:
I am sorry to hear of your daughter's choices to stray from the faith. I can tell this is a really painful situation for you. Let's first get on the table some of the things you cannot do for your daughter.
1) You can't make her decision for Christ. She's going to have to make the decision to follow Christ on her own. This is actually a good thing because she will "own" her faith at that point and it won't be the choice of her Mom and Dad.
2) You can't watch over your daughter's activities. As a parent you want the best for your child and that includes protecting them from harmful people and circumstances. "In the natural", you can't oversee every activity that your daughter will participate in or people she will hang out around. She's on her own and although you can influence her choices, you can in no way monitor all of them - that's God's job.
3) You can't stop being a good Mom to your other two young kids. Your other two kids need you the most right now. If they are old enough to understand your eldest daughter's decisions, you will be responsible for sharing with them why you believe these are wrong choices and leading them to the truth of God's Word. You are responsible for protecting them from any harmful influences as well as nurturing them in their spirits.
4) You can't take back the past. The Apostle Paul wrote, "forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." (Phil 3:13,14) Do not condemn yourself for any mistakes you've made in parenting your eldest child. Ask God for His forgiveness, forgive yourself and where appropriate ask your daughter to forgive you, then do your best to move on in faith.
Before we go forward with what you can do, let's pause for a moment of prayer. "Lord we lift up this mother to you now. Comfort her in her time of distress. Let her know that you are always there with her at any time of the day, even in her darkest hour. Help her to surrender to You those things that are out of her control and give her the strength and wisdom to raise her two younger kids up in Your ways. In Jesus' name we pray, Amen."
Now for what you can do :
1) Pray! : I know that prayer sometimes seems like it's just not enough, but let me encourage you to know that there is no greater power available to us to change our circumstances than the power that comes through prayer. Although you can't make your daughter's decision to accept or follow Christ, you can pray for God to work in drawing her to Himself. And though you cannot watch over your daughter's activities, you can pray for her protection and well being. Never underestimate the power of a praying mother!
2) Wait expectantly: James wrote, "Count it all joy when you fall in to various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing" (James 1:3, 4) God wants to use this trying time in your life to help you develop even greater character, namely patience. Wait with expectation that you will one day see your daughter come around and follow after the Lord. That takes faith!
3) Ask for wisdom: James continued by saying, "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him." (James 1:5) God wants to give you wisdom for this situation and all you need to do is ask. Ask and keep asking. God can give ideas on how to relate to your daughter and to pray for her.
4) Find support: There have to be other Christian mothers out there going through the same situation. If you know any, call them up. Set up a time for you to get together and pray for your children and to encourage one another. If you don't know of any, ask God to provide one for you. God never wants us to walk this journey alone. Also, if your husband is a Christian man, ask him to pray with you. Allow this trial to pull you closer together, not further apart. God can bless your marriage and faith if you come together in the name of our Lord Jesus and pray and trust His Word and promises.
5) Don't lose heart: "And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart." (Galatians 6:9) I am certain that if you persist in prayer for your daughter and continue to be a good example of what it means to walk with Christ, it is only a matter of time before she comes back to the truth. Don't give up! As long as you can hold onto Jesus through this trial, trusting Him regardless of the choices your daughter makes, you will have the victory. Don't doubt it, don't fear the worst. Trust God completely. He is working on your behalf so don't give up!!
"Lord, we pray again for this dear mother. Give her the courage to carry on. We pray for her daughter as well. Speak to her heart and call her back to You. Give this mother a wonderful support system to help her stay encouraged. Bless her marriage and her two younger children. We trust that one day, she will see her entire household praising You. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen."
Besides praying, how can parents who are currently raising their two youngest children to live Christian lives, minister to their oldest child who is living out of state and attending college? The choices that this child is making are totally non Christian and I can't even get her to commit to finding a new church family and/or interact with other Christian students. All she's interested in is partying and boys and I am so afraid that she will be hurt terribly and/or be so consumed in the world that she won't find her way back to Christ.
Dear Reader:
I am sorry to hear of your daughter's choices to stray from the faith. I can tell this is a really painful situation for you. Let's first get on the table some of the things you cannot do for your daughter.
1) You can't make her decision for Christ. She's going to have to make the decision to follow Christ on her own. This is actually a good thing because she will "own" her faith at that point and it won't be the choice of her Mom and Dad.
2) You can't watch over your daughter's activities. As a parent you want the best for your child and that includes protecting them from harmful people and circumstances. "In the natural", you can't oversee every activity that your daughter will participate in or people she will hang out around. She's on her own and although you can influence her choices, you can in no way monitor all of them - that's God's job.
3) You can't stop being a good Mom to your other two young kids. Your other two kids need you the most right now. If they are old enough to understand your eldest daughter's decisions, you will be responsible for sharing with them why you believe these are wrong choices and leading them to the truth of God's Word. You are responsible for protecting them from any harmful influences as well as nurturing them in their spirits.
4) You can't take back the past. The Apostle Paul wrote, "forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." (Phil 3:13,14) Do not condemn yourself for any mistakes you've made in parenting your eldest child. Ask God for His forgiveness, forgive yourself and where appropriate ask your daughter to forgive you, then do your best to move on in faith.
Before we go forward with what you can do, let's pause for a moment of prayer. "Lord we lift up this mother to you now. Comfort her in her time of distress. Let her know that you are always there with her at any time of the day, even in her darkest hour. Help her to surrender to You those things that are out of her control and give her the strength and wisdom to raise her two younger kids up in Your ways. In Jesus' name we pray, Amen."
Now for what you can do :
1) Pray! : I know that prayer sometimes seems like it's just not enough, but let me encourage you to know that there is no greater power available to us to change our circumstances than the power that comes through prayer. Although you can't make your daughter's decision to accept or follow Christ, you can pray for God to work in drawing her to Himself. And though you cannot watch over your daughter's activities, you can pray for her protection and well being. Never underestimate the power of a praying mother!
2) Wait expectantly: James wrote, "Count it all joy when you fall in to various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing" (James 1:3, 4) God wants to use this trying time in your life to help you develop even greater character, namely patience. Wait with expectation that you will one day see your daughter come around and follow after the Lord. That takes faith!
3) Ask for wisdom: James continued by saying, "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him." (James 1:5) God wants to give you wisdom for this situation and all you need to do is ask. Ask and keep asking. God can give ideas on how to relate to your daughter and to pray for her.
4) Find support: There have to be other Christian mothers out there going through the same situation. If you know any, call them up. Set up a time for you to get together and pray for your children and to encourage one another. If you don't know of any, ask God to provide one for you. God never wants us to walk this journey alone. Also, if your husband is a Christian man, ask him to pray with you. Allow this trial to pull you closer together, not further apart. God can bless your marriage and faith if you come together in the name of our Lord Jesus and pray and trust His Word and promises.
5) Don't lose heart: "And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart." (Galatians 6:9) I am certain that if you persist in prayer for your daughter and continue to be a good example of what it means to walk with Christ, it is only a matter of time before she comes back to the truth. Don't give up! As long as you can hold onto Jesus through this trial, trusting Him regardless of the choices your daughter makes, you will have the victory. Don't doubt it, don't fear the worst. Trust God completely. He is working on your behalf so don't give up!!
"Lord, we pray again for this dear mother. Give her the courage to carry on. We pray for her daughter as well. Speak to her heart and call her back to You. Give this mother a wonderful support system to help her stay encouraged. Bless her marriage and her two younger children. We trust that one day, she will see her entire household praising You. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen."
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